Reflection

I can't believe in 10 days, it'll be Christmas and in 21 days, 2011.

Well, I guess for some, it's time to reflect on what the past year has been and for me, it's been a roller coaster ride, metaphorically speaking. From entering 2010 with much enthusiasm, travelling mid year, getting engaged at the beginning of quarter three to today. Present. In between, of course there was always work and fun. I've realised this year I've been quite involved in performance art, like singing and dancing. Well, more of the latter. But, it's all fun. Although, I do think there were a few 'down' moments but somehow, they seemed so isolated now and insignificant and I'm sure I might have exaggerated about it when it happened. Oliver would reckon that as well.

But yeah, that's 2010. Good and not so good things happened. But if anything, those things that happened just add to my convictions on these few things:

Communication. Is. Important.

Not. To. Jump. Into. Conclusion.

You. (Or rather ''I'). Can't. Control. Everything.

Similarly. I. Can't. And. Don't. Have. To. Please. Everyone.

Be. Thankful. Always.

As for Oliver and I, well, it's been another year, another journey of getting into each other's nerves. To falling in love all over again. To discovering each other's quirks and vices. To learning to compromise, forgive, and love. I'd say it again, it's not easy for both of us to be apart and all. But to know that, in due time, we'll be, is something to hold on and look forward to. 2011 will indeed be another exciting ride or perhaps even more exciting. What with Oliver's PhD graduation, our Big Day, of me moving over to Germany, of possibly getting back to studies, of just everything. See how exciting it is. A bit scary also lah actually.

So 2011, we're looking forward to unfold you in all your glorious facade. Surprise us if you like, excite us but be kind will ya. Ta.

Happy One Year Amanda Grace!

Exactly one year ago, Amanda Grace graced us with her presence. She was and is beautiful. To her parents, my brother and sis-in-law, she was their first child and daughter, to my parents, their first grandchild, to me and my two other brothers, our first niece. So imagine  the joy, pride, gratitudeness and to some, maternal-paternal instincts she exuded from people around her. Amanda Grace is a blessing.

 

 Other observable facts about Amanda;

• She likes structured objects rather than cute fluffy ones. Like you give her a teddy bear and a hard disk. She'll be fascinated with the latter and totally ignored the former.
• She makes a lot of sound. The grunt-like ones and it's quite hilarious.
• She sneezes like a 'Jilimin'. You see, my family, we don't do 'polite sneeze'. We do over-the-top sneeze. And she proved that brilliantly when she's barely three months old.
• She gets hyper and cranky when she's sleepy. Almost like her aunt. *Cough* me.
• She's a light sleeper. Slightest sound awakes her. So when she's home, we had to tip-toe around.
• She loves music, cartoons and crackers.

So Amanda, when you are old enough to read this, know that Aunt Melissa loves you so so much. Happy Birthday Amanda Panda Kiddo!

White Christmas and Thanksgiving

Oliver said it's snowing in Kaiserslautern now. We might have a white christmas. Our very first white christmas together. I haven't experienced snow since 2 decades ago when I was six. So many things happened since then. Things that made me who I am today. I'm grateful for everything, the good, the bad and the ugly not that I have many of the ugly ones, thank God. I'm grateful for my family, for Oliver and his family, my friends, my job, my colleagues,  everything except for that occasional traffic jam. That I'd rather live without. So yes, I guess I just want to thank each and everyone of all the people I've known throughout my life and most of all God. I know thanksgiving was just few days ago but I guess it's never too late to give thanks.

Terima Kasih, Xie Xie, Danke, Thank you. Ta.

Cook 100: Stir Fried Japanese Tofu with Mince Beef

I made this for dinner today. Prepared the ingredients as in the picture. I didn't get the recipe from any website. Maybe a bit of cooking tips.

• So basically, I marinated the mince beef with a spoon of chinese wine and a spoon of corn starch and leave it for 30 mins.
• After that, I prepared the sauce; 1 tablespoon of oyster sauce, 1 tablespoon of chinese wine, 1/4 teaspoon of salt, a pinch of msg (not necessary) and 4 dashes of white pepper.
• For the base, I simply fried the egg and once cooked, I just laid it on the plate.
• Then, I started frying the tofu which was tricky because, it's soft and you don't want to smash/break it. Once it's golden brown, you take the tofu-s out and laid it on top of the fried egg (some may call it omelette, a plain one that is)
• For the sauce, I started by saute-ing the garlic, then put in the tiny cube-like red and green pepper and then put in the mince beef and started cooking it until it's well cooked. Added in the sauce. Then, put in the corn starch mixed with 4 tablespoon of water. Stir it and once sizzling, pour the sauce on the tofu-s and voila, you have Japanese Tofu with mince beef.

So, I was not satisfied with this dish. One, because the dish was a bit dry and another, well, I've always had my Japanese Tofu with either mince chicken or mince pork and this was the first time I had it with mince beef. I decided that this is my least favourite combination. Just don't like the distinct taste of the beef. So, that's for today's dish. Think I'm gonna lay off cooking for a day or two and opt for lighter dinner. Ta.

German 100: Ich bin unterwegs

Hallo, wie gehts?

So, I've been learning and picking up common German's phrases and verbal expressions. Mainly from YouTube. I reckon it's so much more fun learning it from Youtube, be it a song or simple dialogues from native Germans. So some of the videos that I dig:-

Haha, I find the third one funny because of the awkward acting and all.

Oh well, if it makes it easier to learn, then why not.

Cook 100: Sweet & Sour Chicken and other dishes

Parents are back for the weekend so I offered to cook lunch. I decided today's menu will be Stir Fried Fish Fillet with Ginger and Spring Onion since I still had some fish fillet left from the other day, also to make it for the second time. Practice makes perfect. Also in the menu; Sweet & Sour Chicken and Baby Kailan with Garlic, both favourite dishes of mine.

Sweet & Sour Chicken

Ingredients:

8 oz. boneless and skinless chicken breast (cut into bite-size cubes)
1 tablespoon shaoxing wine (optional)
1 green bell pepper (seeds removed and cut into squares)
1 stalk scallion (cut into 2-inch lengths)
2 cloves garlic (finely chopped)
Oil for frying

Batter:
4 tablespoons all-purpose flour
4 tablespoons corn starch
1/2 cup water
1/2 teaspoon baking soda

Sweet and Sour Sauce:
3 tablespoons ketchup
3 tablespoons chili sauce (Lingam hot sauce)
1 teaspoon plum sauce
1/2 teaspoon Lea and Perrins Worcestershire sauce
1/4 teaspoon Chinese rice vinegar
1/2 teaspoon oyster sauce
3 tablespoons water
1/2 teaspoon corn starch
3 dashes white pepper powder
2 tablespoons oil

I had all except for Lea and Perrins Worcestershire sauce.

Cooking method: Cut the chicken breast meat into bite-size cubes and marinate with 1 tablespoon of wine for 10 minutes. Mix the batter in a bowl and add the chicken cubes into the batter. Mix the sweet and sour sauce in a small bowl and set aside.

Heat up cooking oil in a wok and deep fry the chicken cubes. (Shake off the extra batter before frying). Transfer the chicken out on a plate lined with paper towels to soak up the excess oil. Transfer the cooking oil out and leave only 2 tablespoons oil in the wok.

Add garlic and saute the garlic until light brown and then follow by the green bell peppers. Stir-fry until you smell the aroma. Add the sweet and sour sauce into the wok and bring it to boil. Toss in the chicken, add the chopped scallions, do a few quick stirs, dish out and serve immediately with steamed white rice. Credits.

End result, voila!

Stir Fried Fish Fillet with Ginger & Spring Onion

I cooked this for the second time and I think it tasted better because I used a non-stick pan, so I can actually let it simmer for a bit for the flavour to really soak in. The other day, I used the common wok and the fish stuck to it, so I had to cook it in a haste.

Baby Kailan with Garlic & Oyster Sauce

The ingredients are exactly that. (The ones mentioned in the title)



I think I quite enjoy cooking once I put my heart into it. And so far, with the right ingredients, the dishes turned out alright. My family seconded that. Even my brother Marshal, who is a chef-to-be gave his stamp of approval. I think I'm going to try baking next.

Cook 100: Stir Fried Fish Fillet with Ginger & Spring Onion

Oliver and I were talking about me cooking or rather his lack of confidence in me cooking. How downright insulting right?!? That nerve of him. But in all honesty, I'm not exactly 'THAT' good in cooking. I mean, I cook albeit not all the time. And I think if you ask me how to cook curry chicken for instance, I'd sort of figure out how to make it. Although, I've never single handedly cook curry chicken. But hey, it's common sense, no? All you need is chicken, curry powder, coconut milk, some spices, etc. Anyways, you know what they say about the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Like you got to feed him good and he'll love you more and yada yada. But yeah, I guess, men, generally, like women who knows how to cook. As in not just instant noodle or fried egg, but proper wholesome dishes. Oliver once mentioned that I actually scored some 'brownie points' because I bake. Apparently, one of the criterias he wanted for a wife was one who knows how to bake. So, I guess, good for me.

Back to cooking, since I have not cook a 'wholesome' dish for awhile, I thought, perhaps, I should. You know, sharpen my 'domestic' skills a bit. So I googled a few Asian dishes, since if I go over to Germany, Oliver, who sometimes complained that he misses a good ol' Asian dishes, would appreciate it. Anyways,  I decided to do Stir Fried Fish Fillet with Ginger & Spring Onion which I often order when I go to a chinese restaurant.

I've got the recipes from here. It's quite simple to cook and end result, well, it was delicious if i may say so myself.

So here's a start to hopefully, many series of shared recipes. Ta.

Choosing a dress

I think it is every girl's dream to be a princess on her wedding day. I doubt boys would actually think the same or else it'll be just weird. I'm still trying to decide 'the dress' to wear. A friend of mine suggested to try many type of dresses because what might look good on the models, racks or others might not look the same on Yours Truly. I did some browsing through and stumbled upon Eden Bridal's website. So yeah, I saw a few dresses that I like and bookmarked. See below. Think I might have a common theme for my dress which is romantic laces and bits of tulles. Oh well. I plan to start looking for 'the dress' come January. For now, I need to just shed a bit of weight so I would complain less about looking puff when trying on dresses.

Dresses above are from Eden Bridal

Choosing a venue

For the past few weeks, I have been going back and forth to decide where to hold our wedding reception. My idea was to have it close to nature. But then, there weren't many choices here in Kota Kinabalu. I, initially thought of Lembah Impian but was still a bit doubtful. So, I look around, got quotations from hotels and resorts. But I still rather have our first reception 'not' be in a ballroom. So, we came back to my first choice, which is Lembah  Impian. Earlier today, I made an appointment with its manager, May, because they happened to have a wedding today and she invited me to go over to see how they organize the wedding. Together with me was mum and cousin Elsie.



Mumsie and I



Cousin enjoying her chocolate brownies



The 'could be' reception area

Discussing with the manager, May.



Mum and daughter talks



More talks



Considering the white marquee for my reception



Calculating wedding cost

$_$

Books and wedding

I guess for someone who loves books, I find these pictures and the idea of a library-themed wedding really cute. So simple yet almost dreamy like.

Pictures from Jessica Claire

Books & Cameras

Sometimes, we talk about our future home. How we both would like some space to call our own. Like Oliver, he would like to have a studio for his photography. For me, I'd like a corner with a nice comfy sofa, a standing lamp and a shelf of books. I was looking through Rachel Thurston photography blog when I came across this picture and I thought 'How ideal!'.

Picture above from Rachel Thurston's blog.

 

Of us...

When Oliver and I decided to take our so called pre-wedding photos, we both agreed that we wanted a fun and casual photo session that allows us to show our personalities as individuals and as a couple. So, we engaged a photographer friends of ours, Cedric and Adrian from Shepherd Pictures. Our photo sessions which took place at several locations, from cafes, fishing villlage to memorial park and beach was all fun. So here are some of my favourite photos.

Thanks Cedric & Adrian for the wonderful pictures. We'll see you guys during our big day. :)

So...

Christmas is coming, right? Like next month...

Above apparels are all from H&M

I'm just saying. :)

Gut und nicht sehr gut

Today was hectic. Workwise, everything was peppered with urgency. You see the likes of 'soonest', 'urgently' and of course, 'ASAP!'. Aber, heute, I received eine postcard von Amsterdam. It made my day.

On a not so good note, God decided to take one of my closest, most beloved aunt. You know how when someone close to you pass away, you try to recall all the memories you had with that person. Your mind sort of play the rewind button. Pause. Watch it play for awhile and went on to whatever comes next.I had that. But it was all good memories.

It's gonna be a long weekend. Keywords: Strength and serenity.

The wooden bench

We have a story to tell of a wooden bench. Back when we were dating in Subang Jaya, we were both students. I used to live in one of those terrace houses within walking distance to college. The house that I lived in had a ridiculous rule which was 'No boys allowed in the house'. Beyond ridiculous actually. Our landlord was quite strict about it. Once my friends who were also my housemates and i underestimated the rule and we had some boys (friends only) in, we were almost kicked out. We had to beg for forgiveness to let us stay. Lame but otherwise we won't have a place to stay that night. Anyways, back to Oliver and I dating as students. Oliver was studying in TAR College and staying in Setapak, which was train stations away from where I stayed. So, we would only meet up during weekends, Friday to Sunday. He'll come over during weekends and since we couldn't stay in, we had to go out and it's usually to the mall.  Anyways, there was this wooden bench right in front of our house. Since we were sick of the mall, we decided to sit on the wooden bench and it sort of became our dating spot. We would sit there for hours talking. Sometimes, we would just sit there quietly for a few moments and watched as cars and people passed us by. Sometimes, we'll take turns resting on each others lap. I remember us studying on that bench. Him with his Mathematics or Physics text book and me with my Marketing or Management text book. I remember one night  as we sat on that bench and held each other tight. He was leaving to Germany soon so I was crying and he made us a promise. So many things happened on that wooden bench. So many bittersweet memories.

R.I.P

Today I mourn the passing of my trusted external hard disk who brought along my accumulated works, pictures and movies for over 2 years. I love to hate you for doing this to me.

Felt like I missed a portion of me.

Silent Reverie

Today had been both emotional and inspiring; from testimonies of unconditional love to a song about a dream. Despite the bad news and casualties that are happening in amidst of our lives, there is also hope and  dream. And both of these extreme happenings were of the unknown being. I wept tears of sorrow for those who’ve passed. I wept tears of joy for those who live to celebrate. Funny cos' while it has nothing to do with Oliver and I, it has everything to do with us in nature. Sort of like a paradox of life. How you perceive the others and how it reflects upon you and affects the things you do. Life is fragile. But I think that is why we should celebrate it every chance we have. I’m feeling very melancholy; but in a good and appreciative way.

On a less melancholy note, yesterday, I was on a business day trip to and fro KL. Upon reaching KL’s international airport, I had some time to kill while waiting for a colleague to arrive on a later flight to hand me some documents. I decided to head to the bookstore and ended up at the magazine corner. The cover of Hot Magazine caught my eye with the likes of Katy Perry, Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber on the front page, thus the lure of the juicy Hollywood snippets, tempting me to just buy the magazine. The moment I picked up the magazine, I felt this guilt tugging in my guts. There I stood, in a business suit, about to buy a 5.90 gossip/entertainment magazine. How seemingly wrong, unprofessional and cheap in a bimbotic kind of way I felt. So without hesitation, I picked up Reader’s Digest magazine with the title ‘Your Guide to Investing, Saving and Making the most of your Money’ on its cover, brought both magazines to the counter and paid for it. I felt less guilty when I left the bookstore.

Marriage Preparation Course Session 4: Keeping Love Alive

We did the 4th session in the Alpha Marriage Preparation Course manual. Keeping love alive; easy or difficult? In regardless, I believe it takes lots of effort from both side. It takes two to tango, they said.

Recently, Singapore’s former first lady, Lee Kuan Yew’s wife passed away after braving through a series of strokes that left her bed ridden for two years. Families and friends paid their respect and wrote their eulogies. Out of all the eulogies, one that touched the hearts of many was of course, Lee Kuan Yew’s, her husband of 63 years.

In Lee’s eulogy, he wrote this, ‘We knew that we could not stay starry-eyes lovers all our lives; that life was an on-going challenge with new problems to resolve and manage.’

Shortly after Oliver and I got together, he had to leave for Germany. That was 6 years ago. We tried to be positive; to keep in touch as much as we could and that’s pretty much we can do. At some point, we hit a pretty big bump on the road (metaphorically). We got too busy for each other. We got upset with each other quite often and that forced us to take a break. It was indefinite at that time. When Oliver came back in summer 2007, we had to make a decision. We decided to make it work-to keep love alive.

Developing our friendship - I like the fact that Oliver and I started out as friends. Far from being the case of ‘love at first sight’, we got to know each other first as friends before falling in love. But sometimes, we take this for granted. We’re so into the notion of being in a relationship that we forgot all about friendship and it’s important not to lose sight on that. Friends talk, share and laugh about things together. Couples should do the same, if not, at a more intimate level. Sometimes, I’ll be observing other couples in a restaurant and I noticed these; couples who look like they have been together or married for several years but hardly said a word to each other. They just go on ordering their food; wait for their food to arrive and eat in silence. One day, many years down the road, I want to be able to sit with Oliver, enjoying our meals and talking about things, even if I have to listen to Oliver talk about Mathematics or he have to listen to my 1001 lame jokes.

Discovering each other’s need-What is your and your partner’s love language? Is it; action, touch, words, time or presents? I used to get upset because Oliver did not say I love you-s or I miss you-s as often as I like to hear and for awhile I kept this to myself because I didn’t want to be the needy girlfriend. But, what I was denying was my love language. Those words of affirmations are how I know that I am loved. And sans touch due to long distance, I needed it even more. Oliver realized this and now, he says it quite often and I’m happy and he’s happy when I’m happy. Oliver said he knows I loved him when I buy him clothes. Well, Das ist ganz einfach.

Building our sexual relationship- There were times when the topic of sex is viewed as a taboo in the society. But due to the explosion of social media, this topic has been discussed more openly and I think it is okay to discuss about it in a healthy and more positive manner. Having said these, yes, to keep love alive, sex is important. As a Christian, we have been told to save sex for marriage. That sex is God’s gift to married couple and the greatest gift a married couple can give to each other. And to able to use that gift to its fullest, married couple should be honest to each other; with their needs and expectations and with their present or past insecurities. It’s all about communication and trust.

Communication, Commitment, Managing Conflicts and Keeping Love Alive

Four sessions done, one more to go and hopefully, many more years to practice and re-practice it over and over again. It’s going to be a great roller coaster baby, ups and downs, but oh so exciting.

Guten Tag

means ‘Good day’ in German. I’ve been trying to pick up or learn German for quite some time now. I bought German pocket book that I can carry everywhere I go. Oliver bought me an audio learning device that he hope could accelerate my learning progress in German.

Having said these, I have to admit, I have not been a good, consistent learner. Maybe for the first few weeks, I’ll be all enthusiastic to learn new words or phrases each day. I’ll even show it off to Oliver over the phone. ‘Hallo liebe’ ‘Wie gehts?’ ‘Was machst du heute Abend?’ ‘Mench,du bist langweilig!’ All of that means in this order, ‘Hello love’, ‘how’s it going?’, ‘What are you doing this evening?’, and ‘Crikey, you’re so boring!’

German is an interesting language. Picking up words is easy. But saying it in a proper and correct grammar is another matter. I know a lot of words independently. I know how to count from 1 to thousands, I know the days in order. I know that ‘brot’ is bread and ‘gemuse’ is vegetable among many other food. I’ve learnt quite a few adjectives. I know simple greetings. It’s all up there in my head. Tons of it all jumbled up. My problem is practicing it on a daily basis. Other than with Oliver, I don’t really have the avenue to practice it. Even with Oliver, I hardly try to converse German with him. The most would be ‘Was?’(pronounced as ‘vas’ means What?’) or ‘Warum?’ (pronounced as ‘varum’ means Why?’) and my favourite one ‘Ach so’ which is an expression for ‘I see’.

My worry is this, that if I do join Oliver in Germany after we get marry, I felt like I need to know German in order to fit in, get by or ease myself into that transition of being in a foreign place. What more if I need to find a job or continue my masters, which I aim to do. Further to this quandary, living here in Kota Kinabalu, while there is a demand to learn foreign languages like Korean or Japanese, there is none for German. A while back, I was looking for a German Language course locally, I stumbled upon this local institution that said it conducts German course. I called up the contact person to know when the course is starting. According to the contact person, they need at least 6 people to register for the course in order to start the course. And guess what, I’m the first to register. The person was supposed to get back to me once they have enough people to start the course. That was about 6 months ago.

So, I guess it’s back to self-learning. But first, I need to rekindle that enthusiasm to learn German. Pick up my pocket book and learn a word/phrase each day. Listen to the audio learning. Let it be my lullaby. Practice it with Oliver. Even, if he’s not the most patient teacher. There is this German restaurant here ‘Gunters Gasthaus’, just a little bit out of town and I’ve heard that the owner (who passed away awhile back) was a German and he married a local. So, I had the inkling that maybe, the wife may know how to speak German. Thought I drop by one day to check out the restaurant and perhaps see if we could do the weekly meet up and I could practice conversing in German with her. It’s a plan.

Till then. Auf Wiedersehen. (Bye in formal)

Happy Hump Day

One of my daily tasks is to email travel trades of our current promotion. While we do have a standard format of sending the email, I sometimes like to add a bit of a side friendly note to it. One Wednesday in particular, I've learnt that Wednesday is a Hump Day and one can wish 'Happy Hump Day!' Now, before, you start to think otherwise, read more about Hump Day. In brief, it means Wednesday, being the middle day of the week implies that you have to get "over the hump" before you can anticipate the weekend.

I thought it was a cool new thing to me. So, one Wednesday, when drafting out an email to travel trades, I've enthusiastically added 'Happy Hump Day!!!' and even linked it to its original meaning and press the 'Send' button.

A second later, I got a phone call from a colleague of mine and she went 'What did you just write in your email!!!???!!!!!!?' Apparently, despite linking it, some people still thought otherwise. Ooops.

Wake me up when September ends

I feel blessed and loved.

Thank you Lord for making my day.

Love, Mel.

P.S. Oliver Tse, I promise I will sleep before midnight today.

An Early Birthday Surprise

Actually, it was not really a surprise. :)

This morning while driving to work, I received a call from the florist telling me she had a flower delivery for me but she didn't know where was my office. So I told her the direction. Another thing is, my birthday is in two days time, 30th Sept. So, you can say it's an early birthday gift. But anyways, thanks O. Whoever you are. :P

This year, I am not planning to do anything big. Probably just dinner or drinks with friends and colleagues. Furthermore, this week, I'm swarmed with after work dance practices. Dancing for two functions this weekend; one for the company's anniversary dinner and the other for the Toastmasters Installation dinner. I'm pretty excited because I realized I love to dance. It's a fun way to kill time and lose that stubborn weight.

So yes, busy busy me.

Again thanks for the flowers O. Me loved it very much.

Dark Clouds

Past few days have been a mix of hectic schedules and emotionally challenging week for me. Work, dance practices and frequent visits to the hospital. At the end of each day, I would be physically and emotionally knackered.  It doesn't help that I barely had time to video skype Oli for the entire week. The feeling of detachment and isolation was upsetting. That's the downside of long distance relationship.

On a side note, I had a dream this morning that I gave birth to a baby girl and she was beautiful. She had Oli's eyes and fortunately, my nose. :) Funny thing was, contrary to a newborn baby who's always sleeping, mine was fully awake, always playful and she smiled a lot. The funnier thing was, it can talk! But she only uttered one word though, she said 'Weiiird....'. In my dream, I was thinking, 'This is weird. My baby can talk and she's barely a week old. She must be a genius like Oli!!' Anyways, I woke up after that and thought 'No, wonder my baby can talk. It was just a dream.' Anything is possible in a dream.

Well, it's a Saturday and the week is almost over. I hope next week, things will turn around for the better. I can't stand this 'dark cloud' hanging above my head. It's too depressing.

*Shoo-ing away dark clouds*

Thank God for Skype!

People always ask us "How did you guys do it?'

Yes, long distance relationship is not easy. It can be frustrating to not be physically present to each other in times of joy and sadness. We don't have the luxury of planning for movies or meals or a weekend get-together like other couples do. So, it does get pretty lonely at times.

But what we have is a shared dream and hope, commitment and Love that one day, we will be together. As in together-gether. Not apart. :) And that day is something to look forward to.

Till then, Skype is a blessing to us!

My monkey. :)

Marriage Preparation Course Session 3: Managing Conflicts

Ah yes, the 'C' word. Conflicts. Don't we all have it? Whether it is conflict with others; families, friends, partners or even conflicts with thy own self. It is inevitable. God didn't make us all different and unique and sans conflicts. Conflicts will always be there when you put two people in a relationship context. Any relationship for that matters.

When Oliver and I did this session, it made us realize the differences that we have between us and it doesn't have to be major, but minor things like our spending/saving habits, the way we plan/organize things, and of course the way we deal with conflicts. Oliver is a Rhino, a quiet one though, if there is anything that upsets him, he will talk about it while I am a hedgehog, I'll curl up in a ball and unleash the infamous 'silent treatment'.

But then again, it's not that bad between us, in fact over the years, we've improved on this, as in how to manage conflicts, when there is one. :) We've learnt to air it out, learn to compromise and the most difficult but important of all, learn to forgive. This session gave us a few additional pointers on how to deal with conflicts as a  partner;

1. To hit a pause button- I think this is when two people are arguing in a circumstances that only makes it worse. Like Oli knows that I get easily upset when I'm hungry or sleepy so he either has to make sure that he feeds me or that I get a good amount of sleep before any confrontation. And I know that Oli gets temperamental when he is driving. So, car is a no-argument zone.

2. To avoid phrases like 'you always' or 'you never'-Oliver and I both admitted that there might be instances when we were guilty of this. But yes, we are working on it. Rather than saying e.g. 'You never write to me anymore', say 'I missed those times when you used to write to me'. Just an example. :)

3. To listen more without passing judgement.-When two people are in conflict, they usually develop what I call the selective hearing of facts or they pass judgement without establishing any grounds yet. In cases like this, I think I'm more guilty, being the more impulsive better half and more emotional. So, while I learn to listen more and not judge straight away, Oli agreed to be more sensitive.

4. Talk, talk, talk- Communication is the most important aspect in a relationship. I can't imagine a relationship without communication, hence it was the 1st session in this course. Good thing is Oliver and I talk a lot. Of course, I talk more. But we talk. We talk to keep updates of each other, we talk about politics, about people, about us, about the future. We talk our way through arguments and talk again afterwards. Of course, at times, we keep certain matters to ourself, but given time and some bits of pushing, we talk about it. 

So yes, Conflicts. As much as we hate to have it, when we do come out of it, it does make us all the more wiser and stronger in person and as a couple.  As the saying goes, 'what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.'

Anyways, a 2nd sneak peek from our pre-wedding shoot.




@ The Garden, Curve


"Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous, love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly, it does not seek its own, it does not provoke, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things."
1 Corinthians 13

 

Read Marriage Preparation Course Session 2: Commitment here.

If you were falling, then I would catch you.

I am having the very rare cases of Saturday blues. Been moody since I got up this morning.  That is always the case if 1. When someone woke me up on a Saturday morning when I was supposed to be sleeping in. 2. A lot of things happening at once around me when all I need is a quiet start to what was suppose to be a resting day. All I want to do is just sleep in and wake up when I feel like it, then have my cup of coffee and lotus biscuits for breakfast and read my book in peace. That's it. But no, I don't get that. And lately, I haven't been getting the things that I want. Speaking of which, there won't be a dream wedding for me either. That should make me a bitter bride to be. But I am trying to be okay about the whole thing. But the effort of trying also comes with a timeline. A time to accept. A time to heal. A time to move on. There are times when I think 'It's okay. It's not about the wedding. It's about the marriage and the most important thing is to get marry'.  But there are times when I think 'We're only going to do this once and shouldn't we be doing it as how we dream or wish it would be'. Such is unfairness of dreams versus the terms & conditions of what are deemed the right way of getting marry.

Anyways, to beat the blues, I'll just post pictures of good times because I've been feeling less happy these days.

Group picture before going to Mamutik Island

I like this picture

Sunset during one of our drive. It was pretty.

Waiting for the rest to arrive for dinner at Korean Restaurant.

I miss you. :(