We did the 4th session in the Alpha Marriage Preparation Course manual. Keeping love alive; easy or difficult? In regardless, I believe it takes lots of effort from both side. It takes two to tango, they said.
Recently, Singapore’s former first lady, Lee Kuan Yew’s wife passed away after braving through a series of strokes that left her bed ridden for two years. Families and friends paid their respect and wrote their eulogies. Out of all the eulogies, one that touched the hearts of many was of course, Lee Kuan Yew’s, her husband of 63 years.
In Lee’s eulogy, he wrote this, ‘We knew that we could not stay starry-eyes lovers all our lives; that life was an on-going challenge with new problems to resolve and manage.’
Shortly after Oliver and I got together, he had to leave for Germany. That was 6 years ago. We tried to be positive; to keep in touch as much as we could and that’s pretty much we can do. At some point, we hit a pretty big bump on the road (metaphorically). We got too busy for each other. We got upset with each other quite often and that forced us to take a break. It was indefinite at that time. When Oliver came back in summer 2007, we had to make a decision. We decided to make it work-to keep love alive.
Developing our friendship - I like the fact that Oliver and I started out as friends. Far from being the case of ‘love at first sight’, we got to know each other first as friends before falling in love. But sometimes, we take this for granted. We’re so into the notion of being in a relationship that we forgot all about friendship and it’s important not to lose sight on that. Friends talk, share and laugh about things together. Couples should do the same, if not, at a more intimate level. Sometimes, I’ll be observing other couples in a restaurant and I noticed these; couples who look like they have been together or married for several years but hardly said a word to each other. They just go on ordering their food; wait for their food to arrive and eat in silence. One day, many years down the road, I want to be able to sit with Oliver, enjoying our meals and talking about things, even if I have to listen to Oliver talk about Mathematics or he have to listen to my 1001 lame jokes.
Discovering each other’s need-What is your and your partner’s love language? Is it; action, touch, words, time or presents? I used to get upset because Oliver did not say I love you-s or I miss you-s as often as I like to hear and for awhile I kept this to myself because I didn’t want to be the needy girlfriend. But, what I was denying was my love language. Those words of affirmations are how I know that I am loved. And sans touch due to long distance, I needed it even more. Oliver realized this and now, he says it quite often and I’m happy and he’s happy when I’m happy. Oliver said he knows I loved him when I buy him clothes. Well, Das ist ganz einfach.
Building our sexual relationship- There were times when the topic of sex is viewed as a taboo in the society. But due to the explosion of social media, this topic has been discussed more openly and I think it is okay to discuss about it in a healthy and more positive manner. Having said these, yes, to keep love alive, sex is important. As a Christian, we have been told to save sex for marriage. That sex is God’s gift to married couple and the greatest gift a married couple can give to each other. And to able to use that gift to its fullest, married couple should be honest to each other; with their needs and expectations and with their present or past insecurities. It’s all about communication and trust.
Communication, Commitment, Managing Conflicts and Keeping Love Alive
Four sessions done, one more to go and hopefully, many more years to practice and re-practice it over and over again. It’s going to be a great roller coaster baby, ups and downs, but oh so exciting.
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