Ah yes, the 'C' word. Conflicts. Don't we all have it? Whether it is conflict with others; families, friends, partners or even conflicts with thy own self. It is inevitable. God didn't make us all different and unique and sans conflicts. Conflicts will always be there when you put two people in a relationship context. Any relationship for that matters.
When Oliver and I did this session, it made us realize the differences that we have between us and it doesn't have to be major, but minor things like our spending/saving habits, the way we plan/organize things, and of course the way we deal with conflicts. Oliver is a Rhino, a quiet one though, if there is anything that upsets him, he will talk about it while I am a hedgehog, I'll curl up in a ball and unleash the infamous 'silent treatment'.
But then again, it's not that bad between us, in fact over the years, we've improved on this, as in how to manage conflicts, when there is one. :) We've learnt to air it out, learn to compromise and the most difficult but important of all, learn to forgive. This session gave us a few additional pointers on how to deal with conflicts as a partner;
1. To hit a pause button- I think this is when two people are arguing in a circumstances that only makes it worse. Like Oli knows that I get easily upset when I'm hungry or sleepy so he either has to make sure that he feeds me or that I get a good amount of sleep before any confrontation. And I know that Oli gets temperamental when he is driving. So, car is a no-argument zone.
2. To avoid phrases like 'you always' or 'you never'-Oliver and I both admitted that there might be instances when we were guilty of this. But yes, we are working on it. Rather than saying e.g. 'You never write to me anymore', say 'I missed those times when you used to write to me'. Just an example. :)
3. To listen more without passing judgement.-When two people are in conflict, they usually develop what I call the selective hearing of facts or they pass judgement without establishing any grounds yet. In cases like this, I think I'm more guilty, being the more impulsive better half and more emotional. So, while I learn to listen more and not judge straight away, Oli agreed to be more sensitive.
4. Talk, talk, talk- Communication is the most important aspect in a relationship. I can't imagine a relationship without communication, hence it was the 1st session in this course. Good thing is Oliver and I talk a lot. Of course, I talk more. But we talk. We talk to keep updates of each other, we talk about politics, about people, about us, about the future. We talk our way through arguments and talk again afterwards. Of course, at times, we keep certain matters to ourself, but given time and some bits of pushing, we talk about it.
So yes, Conflicts. As much as we hate to have it, when we do come out of it, it does make us all the more wiser and stronger in person and as a couple. As the saying goes, 'what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.'
Anyways, a 2nd sneak peek from our pre-wedding shoot.
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| @ The Garden, Curve "Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous, love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly, it does not seek its own, it does not provoke, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things." 1 Corinthians 13 |
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