37th week plus 1 day

Baby Tse just reached a huge milestone today as he is now officially full term which means, if he is to come out now, chances are he will be doing just fine,  breathing on his own and without much complications, with God's grace of course. This really means a lot to us and certainly lifted up a huge amount of initial worries that we had. I mentioned before that I had placenta previa and i am in stage 4 category (the most serious case) which means my placenta is completely covering my cervix and thus, covering the birth exit way for the baby. This also means that natural delivery is not an option and I had to do a scheduled c-section. Am I bummed about it? Truthfully, not really. At the end of the day, all I want is for the baby to be fine and healthy and so far, the reports from our doctor had been encouraging and the baby is doing really well. I read stories or testimonies from previous pregnant mums who had placenta previa and one of the common signs or i would say challenges is they had bleedings that ranges from light to heavy. Depending on how long they are in their pregnancy and how heavy the bleeding is, some are advised bed rest, basically you're not allowed to carry heavy loads, move around too much and just stay as calm as possible. But if the bleeding doesn't stop and you start filling up two menstrual pads within hours then the doctors have to deliver the baby to avoid serious hemorrhaging which could be life threatening for both mother and baby. So a lot of women in such cases had to deliver their baby prematurely and that adds to existing challenges, caring for a preemie baby. Of course, with modern technology in medicine today, preemie babies have good chances of not only surviving the initial complications that come with being born prematurely, but they grow up to be healthy and normal as other full term babies. So yeah, this was all the worries I had as I progressed in my pregnancy. So, we prayed about it and you know what, God is good and we have got this far and now, instead of the initial worries we had, we are excitedly and nervously counting down to the day we will see our baby which is in less than a week time. Yikes. 

I have all these mix emotions in me which is pretty hard to explain. I guess only soon to be mothers and mothers know this feeling. Despite spending countless hours reading, researching and just soaking all the information about pregnancy and then motherhood, I still feel anxious. Like I really don't know what to expect. How if I suck being a mother? How if I can't soothe my baby's crying? How if all these put a stress in our marriage? Postpartum depressions, body issues, breastfeeding and the list goes on. I know, I know. I'll be fine. We'll be fine. It's a learning process. But yeah, the stuff that I think about and had been affecting my sleep lately. Sign.

All things aside, I still can't believe that in less than a week, we'll see our baby. Looking back the past 9 months, how this little miracle made itself known bits by bits, every single day, from the first wave of morning sickness and increased trips to the toilet, first ultrasound, first heartbeat to first kick and movement. I tell you, I still find it pretty amazing and surreal to feel the baby move inside. Gahh...I am going to miss this when the baby is out. Maybe we should make a second one soon after? Okay, I was kidding. Really. Not so soon. But yes, one thing for sure is having a baby changes not only me but Oli and just us as a couple. It reveals a whole new side that we did not see before, in a good way. Like, I've always look at Oli as my best friend, husband and occasionally nemesis, haha, and now, he'll be the father of our baby and to see him growing and becoming a father is such a sweet experience. He is already a good and strong spiritual leader in our family, I know kids love him, most anyways, he is really patient, even more than me and just the way he loves and cares for people, I just know that he'll be a good dad. I'm not expecting him to be perfect. I don't expect myself to be perfect. But we'll do our best to be the best parents we can be for our kid. 

So yeah. I guess, the next time I post, we will be parents already and it will be a beginning of a new story for us as family of three. 

2 years and counting

it was our second anniversary yesterday. we were supposed to pick up the car we just purchased yesterday and head for a celebratory dinner but due to some issue on the car insurance that needed rectification, we can only (hopefully) pick it up today. and i've never actually mentioned this but I am currently on a modified bed rest due to placenta previa. It is when the placenta lies low on the uterus that risks me bleeding prematurely before labor. So, I am supposed to take it really easy, to not carry anything heavy or do heavy chores and to limit my walking miles to 10 minutes per day which i practically break each day. it's pretty hard for me to just keep still because a part of me am aware that i need to do this for the baby but another part of me am on nesting mode and i just need to do something i.e. prepare the nursery, clearing up some space, cleaning etc. and i am getting fed up of reading all the news on CNN and BBC. Just too many bad things happening. what is happening in our world man? makes me think on how do i raise a kid and ensure their well being in amidst of all the negativities and bad influences around. In times like this, I am comforted to know that God will give us the wisdom and guidance to be good parents. oh, notice how i started this post wanting to talk about our second anniversary but inevitably talk about parenthood. geez. but yes, second year around had been good. i noticed though we fought less. perhaps we are more sensitive towards each other and more tolerant. maybe we've learnt what ticks the other person and hence not annoy each other that much. maybe because a good half of the time since our first year anniversary I am pregnant so Oli has been really good and patient. you know, maybe. i still wake up each day and thank God that I am married to this man beside me. Someone posted an article about choosing the right man you want to marry on facebook recently and the article listed a few criterias i.e. Godly man (not just someone who is a Christian but who is also spiritually involved and committed) etc. i only remember this but anyways, I remember Oli checked all the criterias in the list and that made me glad. it's exciting to know that after this, our lives will change as we welcome Baby Tse. That would totally create a new adventure for both of us and I am already wondering how I or we would reflect on it on our third anniversary. it will be pretty interesting. do i think wistfully about how this is it, just the two of us before there will be three. yes, i am sure we will miss the 'just the two of us' time but i think (i hope), we're ready. This is a part of life. God has graciously give us this wonderful gift and it's for us to accept and enjoy it as He wills. 

Baby Tse, please go easy on us. :D

AUG 13, 2011. THE DAY WE BECOME ONE. 

on being thankful

More often than not, it is easier to pinpoint the things we're lacked off and start worrying about them than being grateful for the things we have. With this pregnancy, you could say my worry-o-meter is just spinning out of control most of the time, if not all the time. I don't know if this is common for all mothers to be,  to be worried all the time. I worry about the baby's health and progress, I worry if I'm not taking good enough care of myself that will affect the baby and I worry about Oli's well being (he is great, by the way). Then, there are financial matters. There are a lot of baby preps to do and stuffs to get i.e. car, bassinet, new baby wardrobe, clothes, diapers, strollers, baby car seats etc. and more. And all these cost us a lot of money. And well, I am frustrated because I just wish I could contribute something just to help minimize some of the financial load. So yeah, this had been one of my bigger concerns. I thought, I should have save more even prior to pregnancy, not spent on things like new clothes or new pair of shoes that I really didn't need. Maybe we should have not travelled as much as we do, heck, maybe babymoon was not a good idea and just a lot of maybes. But the more I think about it, I  guess, along the way I just stopped and told myself, hey, what's done is done and you know what, I should really focus on being thankful. So, to not drown myself in worryville, I start counting my blessings, no matter how simple or small it is, because in the end, they really do matter.

Oli for one. Every morning, I just thank God for blessing me with an amazing husband, who provides so much for our growing family. The way he already loves and cares for the baby in me by giving a lot of thoughts into a lot of things and just wanting the best for Baby Tse.  And again, for putting up with me because well, pregnancy hasn't been easy on me and he did it with so much love and care that at the end of it, I felt a mixture of guilt (for being helplessly demanding) but at the same time, I kinda enjoy it. Like the babymoon, for instance. Even though it wasn't really necessary considering that we could have save and all, we actually did have a really great time. I think it was one of the best vacations we had and in a way, we both needed it. I was at the point of pregnancy where I felt good, no more morning sickness, rashes gone and not too big yet. Oli got a break from work. We got a break from Germany's crazy spring weather. It rained all the time in Kaiserslautern. And so we went to Conil de la Frontera (I like how it rolled in my tongue) in Spain. It was a packaged tour that included return train ride to and fro Frankfurt, return flight, hotel transfer, and 5 days 4 night hotel accommodation with breakfast and dinner. The hotel was situated on top of a cliff overlooking the Pacific Ocean. The beach was just few meters away. Everyday day, we slept in, woke up and got ready, went down to the hotel cafe to enjoy awesome spread of buffet breakfast, walked along the beach, visited the nearest town about 3 km walk, swam in the pool, enjoyed the jacuzzi, sunbathed under palm leaves canopy or by the beach, had awesome dinner (we ate a lot and i mean (a lot) of fresh seafood- fish especially), and after dinner, just in time to watch the sun set at about 9-ish pm. After that we'll be lounging at the lobby, Oli with his espresso, me, with my mocktail and enjoyed fast internet connection. Haha, we're Asian like that, we need our wifi connection.

Just a couple of pictures.

Cooling ourselves with ice chocolate and ice coffee

sandy beach + blue sky + not so many people= My kinda beach

This was after our afternoon swim at the pool and we were so hungry. So we headed down to the sunset bar.

Sun was just about to set. 

The beautiful color.

Oli back from his swim. He said the wave defeated him.

Just sun basking. And say hello to 24 week baby bump!

It was a worthwhile, sort-of last trip just the two of us before we welcome Baby Tse. Although, I can't wait to travel with our little one and show him the world.

Another thing I'm thankful for is our families. Especially our parents. God knows how much they have blessed us just with their support and love even virtually across the ocean. Just knowing that they are there is comforting. If i can choose, I'd like to be close to my mum. I don't know, maybe it is just this thing about becoming a mother and being new at it, there are so many questions and things I want to ask her. Of course, she's only a phone call away. Okay, I admit, perhaps, I don't mind being spoilt by her. I am after all, their little girl. :D

But what we're lacking off, we are blessed with awesome friends here in Kaiserslautern who are like our second families away from home. I'm just glad and thankful to know these bunch of people from our church and friends of friends who because friends of ours. 

Ladies who threw me baby shower

Shana who has been a great spiritual sister and friend.

Tim and Andreea who we had the pleasure to travel with a couple of times.

Livengoods and Masons. oh, we miss the Masons because they just moved back to the States a few weeks ago. :(

All I can say is God is good. He has blessed and surrounded me with wonderful people. And for that, I am eternally grateful.