37th week plus 1 day

Baby Tse just reached a huge milestone today as he is now officially full term which means, if he is to come out now, chances are he will be doing just fine,  breathing on his own and without much complications, with God's grace of course. This really means a lot to us and certainly lifted up a huge amount of initial worries that we had. I mentioned before that I had placenta previa and i am in stage 4 category (the most serious case) which means my placenta is completely covering my cervix and thus, covering the birth exit way for the baby. This also means that natural delivery is not an option and I had to do a scheduled c-section. Am I bummed about it? Truthfully, not really. At the end of the day, all I want is for the baby to be fine and healthy and so far, the reports from our doctor had been encouraging and the baby is doing really well. I read stories or testimonies from previous pregnant mums who had placenta previa and one of the common signs or i would say challenges is they had bleedings that ranges from light to heavy. Depending on how long they are in their pregnancy and how heavy the bleeding is, some are advised bed rest, basically you're not allowed to carry heavy loads, move around too much and just stay as calm as possible. But if the bleeding doesn't stop and you start filling up two menstrual pads within hours then the doctors have to deliver the baby to avoid serious hemorrhaging which could be life threatening for both mother and baby. So a lot of women in such cases had to deliver their baby prematurely and that adds to existing challenges, caring for a preemie baby. Of course, with modern technology in medicine today, preemie babies have good chances of not only surviving the initial complications that come with being born prematurely, but they grow up to be healthy and normal as other full term babies. So yeah, this was all the worries I had as I progressed in my pregnancy. So, we prayed about it and you know what, God is good and we have got this far and now, instead of the initial worries we had, we are excitedly and nervously counting down to the day we will see our baby which is in less than a week time. Yikes. 

I have all these mix emotions in me which is pretty hard to explain. I guess only soon to be mothers and mothers know this feeling. Despite spending countless hours reading, researching and just soaking all the information about pregnancy and then motherhood, I still feel anxious. Like I really don't know what to expect. How if I suck being a mother? How if I can't soothe my baby's crying? How if all these put a stress in our marriage? Postpartum depressions, body issues, breastfeeding and the list goes on. I know, I know. I'll be fine. We'll be fine. It's a learning process. But yeah, the stuff that I think about and had been affecting my sleep lately. Sign.

All things aside, I still can't believe that in less than a week, we'll see our baby. Looking back the past 9 months, how this little miracle made itself known bits by bits, every single day, from the first wave of morning sickness and increased trips to the toilet, first ultrasound, first heartbeat to first kick and movement. I tell you, I still find it pretty amazing and surreal to feel the baby move inside. Gahh...I am going to miss this when the baby is out. Maybe we should make a second one soon after? Okay, I was kidding. Really. Not so soon. But yes, one thing for sure is having a baby changes not only me but Oli and just us as a couple. It reveals a whole new side that we did not see before, in a good way. Like, I've always look at Oli as my best friend, husband and occasionally nemesis, haha, and now, he'll be the father of our baby and to see him growing and becoming a father is such a sweet experience. He is already a good and strong spiritual leader in our family, I know kids love him, most anyways, he is really patient, even more than me and just the way he loves and cares for people, I just know that he'll be a good dad. I'm not expecting him to be perfect. I don't expect myself to be perfect. But we'll do our best to be the best parents we can be for our kid. 

So yeah. I guess, the next time I post, we will be parents already and it will be a beginning of a new story for us as family of three. 

on being thankful

More often than not, it is easier to pinpoint the things we're lacked off and start worrying about them than being grateful for the things we have. With this pregnancy, you could say my worry-o-meter is just spinning out of control most of the time, if not all the time. I don't know if this is common for all mothers to be,  to be worried all the time. I worry about the baby's health and progress, I worry if I'm not taking good enough care of myself that will affect the baby and I worry about Oli's well being (he is great, by the way). Then, there are financial matters. There are a lot of baby preps to do and stuffs to get i.e. car, bassinet, new baby wardrobe, clothes, diapers, strollers, baby car seats etc. and more. And all these cost us a lot of money. And well, I am frustrated because I just wish I could contribute something just to help minimize some of the financial load. So yeah, this had been one of my bigger concerns. I thought, I should have save more even prior to pregnancy, not spent on things like new clothes or new pair of shoes that I really didn't need. Maybe we should have not travelled as much as we do, heck, maybe babymoon was not a good idea and just a lot of maybes. But the more I think about it, I  guess, along the way I just stopped and told myself, hey, what's done is done and you know what, I should really focus on being thankful. So, to not drown myself in worryville, I start counting my blessings, no matter how simple or small it is, because in the end, they really do matter.

Oli for one. Every morning, I just thank God for blessing me with an amazing husband, who provides so much for our growing family. The way he already loves and cares for the baby in me by giving a lot of thoughts into a lot of things and just wanting the best for Baby Tse.  And again, for putting up with me because well, pregnancy hasn't been easy on me and he did it with so much love and care that at the end of it, I felt a mixture of guilt (for being helplessly demanding) but at the same time, I kinda enjoy it. Like the babymoon, for instance. Even though it wasn't really necessary considering that we could have save and all, we actually did have a really great time. I think it was one of the best vacations we had and in a way, we both needed it. I was at the point of pregnancy where I felt good, no more morning sickness, rashes gone and not too big yet. Oli got a break from work. We got a break from Germany's crazy spring weather. It rained all the time in Kaiserslautern. And so we went to Conil de la Frontera (I like how it rolled in my tongue) in Spain. It was a packaged tour that included return train ride to and fro Frankfurt, return flight, hotel transfer, and 5 days 4 night hotel accommodation with breakfast and dinner. The hotel was situated on top of a cliff overlooking the Pacific Ocean. The beach was just few meters away. Everyday day, we slept in, woke up and got ready, went down to the hotel cafe to enjoy awesome spread of buffet breakfast, walked along the beach, visited the nearest town about 3 km walk, swam in the pool, enjoyed the jacuzzi, sunbathed under palm leaves canopy or by the beach, had awesome dinner (we ate a lot and i mean (a lot) of fresh seafood- fish especially), and after dinner, just in time to watch the sun set at about 9-ish pm. After that we'll be lounging at the lobby, Oli with his espresso, me, with my mocktail and enjoyed fast internet connection. Haha, we're Asian like that, we need our wifi connection.

Just a couple of pictures.

Cooling ourselves with ice chocolate and ice coffee

sandy beach + blue sky + not so many people= My kinda beach

This was after our afternoon swim at the pool and we were so hungry. So we headed down to the sunset bar.

Sun was just about to set. 

The beautiful color.

Oli back from his swim. He said the wave defeated him.

Just sun basking. And say hello to 24 week baby bump!

It was a worthwhile, sort-of last trip just the two of us before we welcome Baby Tse. Although, I can't wait to travel with our little one and show him the world.

Another thing I'm thankful for is our families. Especially our parents. God knows how much they have blessed us just with their support and love even virtually across the ocean. Just knowing that they are there is comforting. If i can choose, I'd like to be close to my mum. I don't know, maybe it is just this thing about becoming a mother and being new at it, there are so many questions and things I want to ask her. Of course, she's only a phone call away. Okay, I admit, perhaps, I don't mind being spoilt by her. I am after all, their little girl. :D

But what we're lacking off, we are blessed with awesome friends here in Kaiserslautern who are like our second families away from home. I'm just glad and thankful to know these bunch of people from our church and friends of friends who because friends of ours. 

Ladies who threw me baby shower

Shana who has been a great spiritual sister and friend.

Tim and Andreea who we had the pleasure to travel with a couple of times.

Livengoods and Masons. oh, we miss the Masons because they just moved back to the States a few weeks ago. :(

All I can say is God is good. He has blessed and surrounded me with wonderful people. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

Preparing for Baby Tse: Updates

Hello! I know I haven't written in a while. I've been too busy being pregnant. Not a really good excuse. :) Anyways, I am currently in my 28 gestation week. Just the beginning of the third trimester. So far, I'm feeling good. Baby bump is getting bigger and rounder. I was worried for a bit at the beginning of second trimester because I wasn't really showing at 20 + weeks, but oh boy, there's no complaining now. I do get a bit of heartburns every now and then but only when I had something spicy prior to it. So, I had to cut down on spicy food. There was a period of time where I got leg cramps a couple of nights in a week but it's been a while now since I had it. What else? Oh, one thing that I tried to avoid but to no avail are stretch marks. They made their debut sometime towards the end of my second trimester. I don't know what to feel about them. I definitely don't welcomed them with open arms but I wasn't devastated. In a way, I sort of expected them because so far, I have yet to escape from any expected symptoms for pregnancy i.e. nausea, leg cramps, breakouts, skin rashes (Perioral dermatitis) etc. So, when it appeared, I was like oh well, I just have to deal with it and hopefully from what I read, the stretch marks would lighten post pregnancy. 

In terms of preparing for the baby's stuff, my friends from church threw me a baby shower two weeks ago. I'm just so blessed to have these really loving and supportive friends who showered me or should I say, Baby Tse with so many wonderful gifts. We received all kinds of stuff i.e. clothes, diapers, books, baby bath tubs, diaper bin, bibs, medical kit and more. So, yeah, we're just really thankful. We also got a baby cot which is attached to our bed for convenience. We did our research and read the pros and cons about having the baby sleep in our bedroom as opposed to sleeping in his own crib in another room and we decided to do the former. I'm sure different parents have different preference. But we'll see how this works for us. Oli just set up the shelves that comes with drawers and changing pad in the nursery and as I am typing this out, I'm doing my rounds of laundry for the baby clothes. I think they have a name for this. Nesting period? Where parents-to-be are in full swing mode preparing for the coming of the baby. So, yes, we are pretty excited. 

So, that's it for now. Write soon. Maybe. 

a baby is on the way

I can finally write about this since most of our families and friends know about it already. So yeah, we're having a baby. Did we plan on it? Well, we might have mentioned about planning a baby within 1 or 2 years after marriage and my 2013 resolution was to be more productive. So, go figure...

When did we find out? We found out back in January. Yeah, we waited quite a while to tell people because we wanted to complete the first trimester before announcing it. I was 3 days late for my monthly menstrual cycle and usually, I'm pretty punctual. I started to joke to Oli that I might be pregnant. I bought two pregnancy test and tested myself on fourth day and within minutes both tests showed positive. We were already pretty excited but again, we wanted to be more sure so we booked an appointment to see the gynae the coming week. It was my first visit to the gynae and I was pretty nervous. I did the ultrasound and true enough, we were pregnant. We started thinking about a lot of stuff, or at least I did. I started taking prenatal vitamins, paying more attention to my food intake, thinking about motherhood/parenthood and a lot of other things. 

The symptoms and some other challenges. I didn't actually have my morning sickness until week 7. That was when things started to go downhill for me. Contrary to the name 'morning sickness' , it actually lasted the whole day, morning to night until  I pretty much cried myself to sleep just to wake up the next day and repeat the whole cycle. I tell you, it wasn't fun. The constant nausea, vomiting, and just feeling tired all together. Sometime during week 10, I developed some rashes underneath my nose. At first, I thought it was because I had been blowing my nose too often since I had the flu and I was constantly wiping it with tissue that it might have been too harsh for my skin under my nose.  But then, it started to spread to the area under my mouth (almost goatee like rashes). When I googled the symptoms, I suspected that I might have Perioral Dermatitis. It was confirmed by the dermatologist some weeks after. So there I was feeling weak from morning sickness and the rash was a blow to my self esteem. I tried a few home remedies that was recommended in the internet such as treating the area by applying apple cider vinegar, tea tree oil, and grape seed oil, none that was effective. I tried covering the rashes even with light make up, it only aggravated it. When I visited the dermatologist, he couldn't give me any medicine because it is risky for the baby. I was advised to only leave the rashes alone and wash my face with plain ol' H2O and nothing more. I heed to the doctor's advice. 

Moving forward. Feeling resigned, I decided to accept this is all part of the big miracle that is happening in me. Oh, and Oliver has been really patient, supportive, encouraging and extra nice through it all. Sometimes, a little too over protective. :) But it is so nice to be able to call 'dips' just for being pregnant. So am really thankful for him. I also felt myself reaching out to God more often, thanking Him each day for this 'life' that is growing in me and sometimes desperately praying to Him for consolation during 'hard nights' (talking about nausea, heartburn, congested nose or constant coughing which thankfully ended sometime between week 14 and 15). By the way, as I am writing this, I am currently between week 18 and 19. Like I mentioned, I am feeling much better now. I read that a lot of pregnant women regained their energy during the second trimester and this is when you should try to get as much done to prepare for the baby. Oh, my rash has improved tremendously and I actually feel my skin breathing better sans make up and other facial products that now I realized has tons and tons of chemical in it. I have yet to feel big baby movement in me although I like to believe that when I lay really still at night on bed and lay my hand on my belly, that I could feel some tiny flutters or movement. My belly is expanding each day and all in all, I feel pretty darn great. :D

So I guess we'll just wait and see. We're about half way there. We really appreciate your wishes, thoughts and prayers. Till next time. 

P.S. If you have any experiences with perioral dermatitis or just some pregnancy tips, do share. I'll appreciate it very much.