37th week plus 1 day

Baby Tse just reached a huge milestone today as he is now officially full term which means, if he is to come out now, chances are he will be doing just fine,  breathing on his own and without much complications, with God's grace of course. This really means a lot to us and certainly lifted up a huge amount of initial worries that we had. I mentioned before that I had placenta previa and i am in stage 4 category (the most serious case) which means my placenta is completely covering my cervix and thus, covering the birth exit way for the baby. This also means that natural delivery is not an option and I had to do a scheduled c-section. Am I bummed about it? Truthfully, not really. At the end of the day, all I want is for the baby to be fine and healthy and so far, the reports from our doctor had been encouraging and the baby is doing really well. I read stories or testimonies from previous pregnant mums who had placenta previa and one of the common signs or i would say challenges is they had bleedings that ranges from light to heavy. Depending on how long they are in their pregnancy and how heavy the bleeding is, some are advised bed rest, basically you're not allowed to carry heavy loads, move around too much and just stay as calm as possible. But if the bleeding doesn't stop and you start filling up two menstrual pads within hours then the doctors have to deliver the baby to avoid serious hemorrhaging which could be life threatening for both mother and baby. So a lot of women in such cases had to deliver their baby prematurely and that adds to existing challenges, caring for a preemie baby. Of course, with modern technology in medicine today, preemie babies have good chances of not only surviving the initial complications that come with being born prematurely, but they grow up to be healthy and normal as other full term babies. So yeah, this was all the worries I had as I progressed in my pregnancy. So, we prayed about it and you know what, God is good and we have got this far and now, instead of the initial worries we had, we are excitedly and nervously counting down to the day we will see our baby which is in less than a week time. Yikes. 

I have all these mix emotions in me which is pretty hard to explain. I guess only soon to be mothers and mothers know this feeling. Despite spending countless hours reading, researching and just soaking all the information about pregnancy and then motherhood, I still feel anxious. Like I really don't know what to expect. How if I suck being a mother? How if I can't soothe my baby's crying? How if all these put a stress in our marriage? Postpartum depressions, body issues, breastfeeding and the list goes on. I know, I know. I'll be fine. We'll be fine. It's a learning process. But yeah, the stuff that I think about and had been affecting my sleep lately. Sign.

All things aside, I still can't believe that in less than a week, we'll see our baby. Looking back the past 9 months, how this little miracle made itself known bits by bits, every single day, from the first wave of morning sickness and increased trips to the toilet, first ultrasound, first heartbeat to first kick and movement. I tell you, I still find it pretty amazing and surreal to feel the baby move inside. Gahh...I am going to miss this when the baby is out. Maybe we should make a second one soon after? Okay, I was kidding. Really. Not so soon. But yes, one thing for sure is having a baby changes not only me but Oli and just us as a couple. It reveals a whole new side that we did not see before, in a good way. Like, I've always look at Oli as my best friend, husband and occasionally nemesis, haha, and now, he'll be the father of our baby and to see him growing and becoming a father is such a sweet experience. He is already a good and strong spiritual leader in our family, I know kids love him, most anyways, he is really patient, even more than me and just the way he loves and cares for people, I just know that he'll be a good dad. I'm not expecting him to be perfect. I don't expect myself to be perfect. But we'll do our best to be the best parents we can be for our kid. 

So yeah. I guess, the next time I post, we will be parents already and it will be a beginning of a new story for us as family of three. 

2 years and counting

it was our second anniversary yesterday. we were supposed to pick up the car we just purchased yesterday and head for a celebratory dinner but due to some issue on the car insurance that needed rectification, we can only (hopefully) pick it up today. and i've never actually mentioned this but I am currently on a modified bed rest due to placenta previa. It is when the placenta lies low on the uterus that risks me bleeding prematurely before labor. So, I am supposed to take it really easy, to not carry anything heavy or do heavy chores and to limit my walking miles to 10 minutes per day which i practically break each day. it's pretty hard for me to just keep still because a part of me am aware that i need to do this for the baby but another part of me am on nesting mode and i just need to do something i.e. prepare the nursery, clearing up some space, cleaning etc. and i am getting fed up of reading all the news on CNN and BBC. Just too many bad things happening. what is happening in our world man? makes me think on how do i raise a kid and ensure their well being in amidst of all the negativities and bad influences around. In times like this, I am comforted to know that God will give us the wisdom and guidance to be good parents. oh, notice how i started this post wanting to talk about our second anniversary but inevitably talk about parenthood. geez. but yes, second year around had been good. i noticed though we fought less. perhaps we are more sensitive towards each other and more tolerant. maybe we've learnt what ticks the other person and hence not annoy each other that much. maybe because a good half of the time since our first year anniversary I am pregnant so Oli has been really good and patient. you know, maybe. i still wake up each day and thank God that I am married to this man beside me. Someone posted an article about choosing the right man you want to marry on facebook recently and the article listed a few criterias i.e. Godly man (not just someone who is a Christian but who is also spiritually involved and committed) etc. i only remember this but anyways, I remember Oli checked all the criterias in the list and that made me glad. it's exciting to know that after this, our lives will change as we welcome Baby Tse. That would totally create a new adventure for both of us and I am already wondering how I or we would reflect on it on our third anniversary. it will be pretty interesting. do i think wistfully about how this is it, just the two of us before there will be three. yes, i am sure we will miss the 'just the two of us' time but i think (i hope), we're ready. This is a part of life. God has graciously give us this wonderful gift and it's for us to accept and enjoy it as He wills. 

Baby Tse, please go easy on us. :D

AUG 13, 2011. THE DAY WE BECOME ONE.